I cleaned out the playroom and scheduled an extra garbage pickup for Saturday to remove the old broken toys. I found a bin in the basement suitable for storing Alexa's Barbie collection. I measured the wall in Alexa's room for a dresser and starting finding quick ship options online. I invoiced 4 clients, filed 2 insurance claims with Cigna, and the list goes on.
Oh- and BTW: All of the above (and more) happened between 8:30 and now (10:55am).
Wanna know how I accomplished so damn much in so little time?
Today, for the first time ever, BOTH OF MY KIDS ARE IN SCHOOL! The house is quiet and peaceful and...QUIET. And yes, I have had both girls out of the house before on many occasions- but this is different because there is no guilt involved on my end. It is not like I COULD even be there with them (whereas, say, for gymnastics or a playdate, I technically could have been the one to drive them and stay and hang out within arm's reach in case they wanted/needed me). It is that lack of "could I/should I?" self-doubt that makes this morning totally different than any other.
Now I get it when friends have told me that I am still "in the weeds" and to give it time because even though in these moments now (especially the past 2.5 years having Goldie at home 24/7) being a mom feels all-consuming and my brain can't ever seem to breathe, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Yes, there is a bit of sentimental sap in me that can't believe my little Goldie Goose is in preschool and yeah yeah yeah she is growing up so fast and time flies and the days are long but the years are short and so on and so forth...But Goldie was ready for school (even if she played it up like she wasn't this morning). And "school" is only 3 days a week, for 3 hours at a time. So I will still have plenty of time to nuzzle her neck and squeeze her belly and take her to the diner for french fries and watch her perform ballet for hours on end all over the house.
Come to think of it, the past 24 hours of motherhood have been pretty damn adorable. First, at Back to School Night for Alexa last night, I peeked inside her writing book to find that she had written a story about falling off her bike. She was about to cry but then her sister calmed her down and giving her a hug. And she drew the sweetest little picture of Goldie walking over to her (bonus points for the fact that she colored in our front door purple, accurately.)
Then, this morning, Alexa gave Goldie a pep talk over breakfast, and even got her dressed for her first day. Lex was so worried Goldie would cry, she kept telling her that if she didn't cry she would get a lollipop. Which reminds me, I better run out and get some lollipops before I pick Goldie up in- gulp- 18 minutes. Wait a second- where did my morning go?!