5 Questions I Ask Myself Daily

This photo captures basically how I feel about everything, most of the time. Somewhere between excited and completely, totally baffled. With a scoop of overwhelm on top. And sequins. Let us not forget sequins. Photo Credit: Julia Dags.

1- Who let me leave the hospital with these kids? I mean, I am not mature enough to be a parent. Even 9 years in, I still can’t keep a straight face during certain kids songs that reference balls or backdoor entry (can’t think of which song it is that references this specifically but, you get the point.)

2- What the F am I doing with my career? Not having a traditional 9-5 is amazing in so many ways, but the uncertainty and constantly changing nature of the independently employed-ish world in which I work always makes me second guess if it is worth it/does the trade-off make sense/will I regret all the hours sitting at my computerwhen I could have been doing carpools/being more on top of their closets- why do 1/2 the things in there never fit?!/making sure they bathed/going on afternoon adventures/etc with them while they are still young enough to be captive for such things? I am learning every day how to batch my work time- between prepping for my #BetterBasics segments, keeping social media momentum up, writing blog posts, planning content for photo shoots, freelance copy writing, and now (most exciting and fun for me) sourcing, testing and writing my weekly ULTIMATE EDIT newsletter (subscribe HERE if you haven’t yet!). But, no matter how much I get “done” in a day, I still wonder what I really accomplished. Sound familiar to anyone? (Please don’t let there be crickets here… I can’t be the only one…)

3- What should we have for dinner? Yup- it hangs over my head all day long. I have tried general “theme” nights which really helps to focus me when I can execute on it and plan in advance (i.e. Monday: Slow Cooker, Tuesday: Taco/Mexican, Wednesday: Dinner Out. Thursday: Italian….) but if I don’t sit down on Sunday with cookbooks and my Instapaper app (I wrote all about this HERE), my mind is always racing through 20 possible options (and then, it is 6pm and I realize I don’t have the right ingredients for any of them, ha!)

4- What will my kids remember about me? Not in a morbid way, but more casually, the little screen shots that will pop up in their brains when they think back to these years. Will they remember me muttering obscenities under my breath upon once again missing the bus because Alexa didn’t like the way I tied her shoes, or the times I had to physically barricade the door to my office while on a conference call or a copy deadline when they were trying to come in to show me a dance they made up? I hope they will remember me snuggling up with them and watching “Wheel of Fortune” every night, or turning the radio up really loud and singing every word of my favorite Country songs that, even though they screamed for me to turn off at the time (“MOM! PUT ON HITS 1!!!), they will smile whenever they hear it someday (because I trust that Thomas Rhett, Jake Owen and Florida Georgia Line will have staying power…)

5- How annoyed is Brian that he married ME?! I mean, I am not your typical homemaking, nurturing, maternal, “throw-anything-my-way-I-am-a-Mom-I-can-handle-it” kind of a girl. I have friends that RUN SHIT. From being on top of their home management to noticing their kids could use extra help on such and such and tracking down the best tutor to assist, from planning and cooking amazing (and healthy) meals each night to creating and managing a family budget… There is ALWAYS a spare package of Band-Aids in the medicine cabinet, milk that hasn’t turned into something more akin to yogurt in the fridge, and the babysitter is booked for that dinner party you RSVP’d yes to in 3 weeks. In our house, sure- I do a lot of things, I am not saying I am dead weight!- but if we are sitting around having a lazy Sunday, Brian is the one who figures out what we are going to make for dinner (and he goes to the grocery for the supplies). If it were left up to me, at 7pm the girls would start asking if dinner was in fact happening tonight, and by 7:05 we would either be at McDonalds or eating something found in the freezer, fresh out of the microwave. Oops.

There are a ton of others to add to this list- like, “Should I clean out my closet this week?” and “Did I pay the insurance premium/submit those health care claims to Cigna/turn off my curling iron?”, “Do my kids get too much screen time?” and “How does SEO work for Squarespace?”, “What are the girls’ TrueBlue account numbers so we can get points for that last JetBlue flight” and “Is the jig up?” (the jig being one of a million things- my tv appearances, my blog, Instagram, adulting, my tennis game)…

So there you have it- the realness of what is going on between my ears at this moment. I showed you mine- wanna show me yours? XX- JF