2014: In Retrospect, It Was A Really Odd Year...
{A friend of mine posted an amazing stream-of-consciousness recap of her year on Facebook this morning, and it inspired me to look back at my year in much the same way- small soundbites capturing moments and experiences that most certainly impacted the person I am now versus the person I was a year ago.}
I started the year focused very much on the professional...launched a web series...learned the art of Photoshop...explored new ways to express myself on my blog and along the way potentially figure out what I wanted it to "be"...put myself out there in a new way as a partner able to produce branded content for clients as opposed to simply hosting it...spent hours upon hours upon hours learning video editing lingo and the ins and outs of graphics...booked and executed numerous segments in addition to it all...hustled like I was 25 again...so much so that I didn't write my yearly "letter to Alexa" update before her 3rd birthday...
Threw perhaps the most epic party I have ever thrown for my 35th and loved every debaucherous second of it...had more amazing times with friends that are fast becoming our family than I can remember/count...drank too much, probably didn't eat enough at times, worked out like a madwoman and became proud of the strong, fit body that I had created...focused on eating cleaner, cooking more frequently, and becoming more adept at the art of entertaining just to be kind of a bit more of a grown up...
Took Alexa to Disney World with my mom and learned so many things about my little girl that I realized I had not noticed before...found out that these little people can be scared, fragile, nervous and not always the mini-warriors that, in our heads, we think we gave birth to...noted to self to be more on top of this whole motherhood thing...back home in time for a fun Cinco de Mayo fiesta with friends where I marveled at Alexa's free-spirited dance moves and the incredible people we had become lucky enough to surround ourselves with in suburbia...
Then, in a matter of minutes, the entire year got turned on it's head...
May 19th...went to a new doctor in hopes of finding out why my voice had been hoarse for a month and counting, figured it was laryngitis...May 20th....at Today Show doing a segment on the Cosmetic Executive Women Beauty Award winners and get a voicemail from an Unknown number..."Hey Jenn, it's Dr. Karol. Just wanted to let you know, um, your pregnant."...WHAT?!
Unplanned, unexpected...I don't know many 35 year olds who just "get pregnant" anymore...Worked to wrap our heads around it...Two weeks later, first ultrasound, we were told that there actually wasn't a baby...Went to Kiawah for my father-in-law's birthday, then to Miami for a wedding...drank a lot, stayed out too late, readjusted my view of the future back to what it was prior to May 20th- Lex, Brian and Me...Back to the doctor on June 9th for a check-in...Was told to wait another few days for the pregnancy to "take care of itself"...Led to an unexpected emotional roller coaster where I questioned everything I thought I wanted versus what I may have actually wanted if I took the laser-focus career vision in my head down a notch...Was asked to come in for an ultrasound on Friday June 13th at which point we were told "Congrats, the baby looks healthy, nice heart-beat, you are probably 7 1/2 weeks along..." WHAT?!
Goodbye Titos...goodbye boozy weeknights with the girls at Compo Beach...goodbye body...goodbye family of three...hello new reality. We told Alexa, she said "wow"...my thoughts exactly...
Decided the "false" false alarm was a sign, a wakeup call to make me appreciate the gift that my family had been given...Especially when I found the baby was a GIRL and cheered like a European in the stands at the World Cup...made a conscious effort to be present in life beyond the hustle...not measure my worth in segments booked or clicks on links and instead in time spent with my family...worked on the projects that I WANTED to work on alongside clients and producers and brands that I WANTED to work with...put things in writing on my blog that I never thought I would type with my own two hands...created (sometimes) a calm atmosphere in our house at night complete with- gasp!- a healthy home-cooked meal every now and then...planted a garden twice as big as the one last year...tried to enjoy quieter days with hours to spare if I wanted to binge watch Sons of Anarchy in the middle of the day...joined the Board of Directors at Alexa's preschool which sort of feels like the most adult thing I have ever done...embraced elastic waists and 9pm bedtimes...became the designated driver (albeit a bitter, agitated one)...learned what it feels like to go to Saturday morning birthday parties at Tumble Jungle and NOT be hungover (quite nice, I must say)...designed a nursery...decided on a baby name...reminded myself every single day about that aforementioned commitment I made in June about how I was gonna measure my worth...screen shot lots of inspirational quotes off Instagram to support my efforts, including one that has stuck with me the most "Let me remind you: Wherever your focus is directed that's where your energy goes. Whatever you allow in your space, you eventually become."...
2014 taught me that you really never do know where a year can take you...and it is possible to shift your personal paradigm of what is the most important thing...it isn't easy, and I am still working on it every single day, but I know it can be done...you can have a career without putting so much pressure on said career to define who you are in every aspect of your existence...you can be a mom and go on playdates and create Pinterest boards about crafts to do with toddlers without driving a minivan littered with Goldfish crumbs and soccer balls...WHAT?!
There may in fact be a happy space that exists between the laser-focused competitive career woman watching out for her bottom line and the calm and capable den mother watching out for her family... and hey, if you want to hang out in that space for a bit and figure out your footing, pull up a chair...let's do this. (But give me a few minutes, I have to go get started on my yearly letter in honor of Alexa's 4th birthday that is fast approaching- I owe her an extra good one this time around...)
All the best for 2015, everyone!