Three Things That Confuse Me About Being A Mom



Clearly there are many more than just three things- but at this very moment in time, I am wondering:

1.When I am away from my daughter, I can't wait to get back to her- then I kinda itch to leave.

Visions dance in my head of us frolicking in the backyard, eating ice cream, playing dress up in my closet and giggling incessantly. But after 30 minutes of the reality (i.e. 4 minutes of coloring, 12 minutes of snacks- during which the fruit snacks aren't the right ones, the apple is too cold, the banana is too mushy, the cookies don't fill to the top of her cup, etc., 8 minutes of time outs, 3 minutes of chase, and then, let's be honest, 3 more minutes of time-outs) I am wondering why on earth I insisted on booking the first flight home or ran to make the earlier train when I could have savored several more hours of child-free peace and quiet?

2. Within the span of 45 seconds, I can go from trembling with rage over her defiance to laughing hysterically at her sense of humor. 

Example: Last night, she refused to take a bath in the 15 minutes I had mentally allotted for the exercise in between when I put dinner in the oven and when I had to take dinner out of the oven. (Wait, was that the most suburban mom thing written ever? I think so.) She howled at me, ran from me, threw multiple punches at me with her tiny fists, and other actions I am surely repressing due to PTSD and the lingering taste of burnt roasted chicken on my tongue. When I finally got her to sit down and take a deep breath, she whispered to me, "Mommy, let's keep this our little secret, okay?", punctuated by what I can best describe as being as close to a wink as a three year old can muster. 

3. In my professional life, I typically feel competent. In my mom life, I feel like a hot mess. Every. Single. Day.

Alexa's teacher noted that she has begun to notice fear and apprehension when Alexa is presented with new experiences, and they had to physically remove her from a puppet show today because she couldn't be consoled. Um, okay...Let me think... What did I do in the last 14 days to cause that? The other kids are dutifully dressed in summer-appropriate shorts and tee shirts, Lex is at the beach in leggings, a sweatshirt and cowboy boots because I just could not get the message through to her that it is 75 degrees out and she may be a tad warm. Hence her hair is matted to her head with sweat, but hey, she is loving every second.  Got wipes? Great, because I don't. Oh, you packed apple slices and water? Smart planning. I hope Alexa doesn't mind eating 1/2 of a day old protein bar I found in my purse and washing it down with a sip of flat soda for snack today.