5 Pandemic Parenting Lessons I Have Learned, 6 Months In.
Us, in July. We feel equally- if not more- triumphant now in September, but can’t find a pic that captures it better :) Photo Credit: Caroline O’Kane.
Today I noticed that we have officially been living the pandemic life (side note, every time I read over those words aloud, I can’t help but do it to the tune of “Livin’ La Vida Loca” which also sounds right :)) for 6 months out here (our schools shut down on March 12, but I am giving myself a few grace days of “wait, this can’t be for real/clearly the kids will be back to school in 2 weeks MAX!?). We have been through 2 seasons (Spring and Summer) and now embark on Fall, which will be especially interesting given the earlier sunsets and colder temps here in Connecticut.
At this point, we mostly remember to bring our masks with us when we leave the house (this helps, BIG TIME), I have gotten totally adept at working out by myself in my basement (even dusted off ye ol’ Peloton for in between DanceBody and Obé workouts!) and, more than anything, I must say, the lazy weekends- no kid birthday parties, no “ugh I wish I said no to that” night out plans, no real commitments- are a DREAM!
Back to school was/is different, that is for sure. Super different. In our district, the elementary school plan allows for kids to be in the classroom for 2 hours and 45 minutes a day, in 2 cohorts- either morning or afternoon as of now. And, while I feel like I am breaking some sort of “pandemic mom code” by even writing this, even though it is such a short day and the logistics of scheduling life around it (we switch time slots every 2 months- so my girls go in the morning now, and in November will swap to afternoons) is a complex puzzle, it is actually kind of amazing. The free time makes getting homework done less stressful, and I feel like we aren’t rushing from place to place trying to fit in all the things in between each afternoon. Granted, still trying to figure out how to limit the Roblox time and manage the hours in a way that builds some sort of consistency, but overall, watching my girls get on the bus and come home with smiles on their faces each day, and seeing them PLAY (even if that play sometimes takes place curled up in a chair with an iPad in hand) feels good.
Since I love a good listicle to keep track of memories and learnings that I always fear forgetting- here are 5 parenting takeaways from the past 6 months that have helped me tremendously. I sat through hours of therapy and read thousands of pages to come to them, so you don’t have to :) SCORE!
1- Don’t say no just because you kinda feel like you are supposed to. Only say no if it really matters to you that said request is denied. Example: Goldie wants cucumber slices with salt and pepper at 8:45pm after dinner and her nightly fruit popsicle. I would say no because I don’t want to enable the habit of eating late at night (since I have that habit!) out of boredom or whatever- a tantrum would ensue, disrupt the entire flow of the night, and Brian and I would end up in a fight too. And once I said “no”, I would obsessively hold the line because I thought I should. But really- cucumbers? Who cares. Go for it, Goldie. Have your cukes and eat ‘em too.
2- It is okay to say YES to your kids when they ask for something if you WANT to say yes. You can’t think of “yes” as “giving in”- because if you feel good about doing it, it is not “giving in”- it is simply saying YES. Example: Alexa wants to be picked up from school because she feels super nervous about missing the bus and Goldie having to ride home alone. At first I was like NOPE- as it is school is short, and I often need that extra 20 minutes to get things done. Plus- I would think in my head, DEAL WITH IT, KID. Toughen up, take the bus, persevere! But it meant a lot to Alexa, and truth is, we can do it. Between our nanny who helps me with all the house and kid stuff during the week, and myself- it is totally feasible and no big deal. So now, we pick the girls up most days. Lex is grateful for it, and I feel good - not resentful- doing it. Win, win.
3- TV is awesome! Just choose the right shows and it can be the best way to happen upon super chill teachable moments. We have found our nightly show time (usually from 8-8:45pm) to be a favorite family ritual and honestly the girls learn a LOT. Some of the best show to watch with your kids: “America’s Got Talent”, “MasterChef Junior” -on Hulu!- “Wheel of Fortune” (Goldie thinks I should be a contestant, I am pretty impressive at it I must say), “America Ninja Warrior”, “Titan Games”, even, yes, “Naked & Afraid”- these are shows that show tenacity, perseverance, and offer a glimpse into the tough family situations many people find themselves in- and that seem unimaginable to our girls- and as such, teach empathy and determination. We do have one guilty pleasure show- “The Masked Singer” which comes back on 9/23! And even though it is fluffy, there is an element of people going out of their comfort zones that is very much inspiring, too.
4- It’s okay to do NOTHING. I used to feel like family time only counted if we had something to show for it- a trip to a sunflower maze, an outing for ice cream, a bike ride to the beach. So much pressure to come up with an ACTIVITY to get us all out together- when truthfully, some days, nobody wanted to do a damn thing. I have come to a place where I am okay with that. Because, if I am being honest with myself, I kinda just want to sit in bed and play the Mah Jong app on my iPad on an overcast Saturday afternoon anyway.
5- Consume less so you can create more. I am reading “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle right now and there is one chapter that I keep reading over and over and OVER- called "Poems”. I won’t do justice to the way her words- so casual yet so powerful- communicate this message, so I won’t try. Read it. Page 158-159. Consuming content used to be something I considered helpful- market research, so to speak- finding ideas for segments, getting inspiration for activities, or even figuring out recipes to make some day for dinner. But it has gotten to a point that, in the finite amount of “free” time I/we have on any given day, the consumption of content overtakes the ability to do anything constructive with the ideas it generates- making it moot. Leaving me with a blank screen before of me, no plan for an afternoon art project to share with my kids, and a hefty Uber Eats bill when I realize we have nothing in the house for dinner.
Would love to hear any thoughts on my lessons learned, and especially any of your own discoveries as to what works for you and your family as we settle into the “pandemic pace” of life, 6 months and counting. Feel free to share in the comments below! XX JF