End of Summer Thoughts & Fall Plans...Or Lack Thereof...

This picture feels appropriate- shot with my remote control and ring light by mistake while prepping for an “Entertainment Tonight” shoot a couple weeks ago. Top half business (curled my hair, did my makeup and wore a sensible, tv-ready top), bottom half, suburban mom on a Monday realness (sweatpants, and, not pictured, bare feet with chipped polish).

I decided to give myself the last 2 weeks of August off from blog writing/newsletter editing. During that time, I did a lot of thinking about how it made me feel NOT to be drafting posts, saving links, photographing cool finds and figuring out the best way to succinctly describe, and then share, interesting, useful, “better basics”-worthy stuff with readers. Before making the decision to take a 14 day break from those items for which I am fully my own boss/client, I was nervous… What if I LIKED the feeling of NOT doing? What would that say about me? Am I lazy? Un-ambitious? A cliché? Washed up and past my prime? Irrelevant? The thought spiral went downhill from there…

At first, the break felt really nice actually- the weight that I constantly feel on my shoulders (a weight, by the way, that I admit I am solely responsible for- nobody- not my husband, not my mom, certainly not my kids- puts pressure on me to produce this content) disappeared. I didn’t get cranky at night if I felt like I should have tested products or assembled collage links that day but didn’t have the time. I didn’t hear that ticking clock in my head starting on Wednesday morning to proof-read and check the newsletter links. It felt refreshing.

We went on an amazing trip to Avalon, NJ with friends, and enjoyed it so much we stayed an extra day, on a whim! (So not something I typically do- I am a “stick to the plan” kind of traveler, always.) We had lazy days at home, I read a couple books, made a “mask command center” for my kids in the mudroom, and I started organizing thoughts around how to fill the time that my kids wouldn’t be in school this year. (Our town is doing a hybrid model for elementary students- based on the letter of your last name, kids go to school for just under 3 hours, 5 days a week- so my girls will be home by noon each day, and in my estimation, unless I figure out a solid plan, on their iPads playing ROBLOX by 12:01. Sh%t.)

Then, I got off-the-charts anxious and cranky. It didn’t feel good to have so much limbo. The lack of a clear routine on the horizon took a toll on my brain. So much of the hustle that propelled me for the past 5 years has been leading up to this phase of life- staying in the game so that when both girls started school, and I was left to my own devices for 8 hours a day, I could slide right back in to the fast lane, work-wise. Time block a solid schedule to shoot content a couple days a week, do my freelance writing work in silence, brainstorm creative collaboration concepts, and check off all those small but gnawing “to do” items off my list.

But, ya know, that whole pandemic thing happened.

And not only did everything change, but it continues to change. Big time. Day to day, hour by hour. I feel torn- I want the headspace to be there for my kids and show up in a calm way… I feel a hankering to make the most of this unique time (my head spins with big ideas of the cool things we could do with all the extra hours, creative learning excursions and arts enrichment, yada yada yada…) But I also realize after 2 weeks of NOT DOING, how much- when it comes to the “fun stuff” of building my brand/creating content/staying “in the game” so to speak- I like DOING.

As the saying goes (no clue who to attribute it to, but I feel like I see it all the time in my Instagram feed and hear it from a fitness instructor at least once a month)- “You didn’t come this far only to come this far.”

Or did I? To be totally honest, I am really not sure… Would love to hear your thoughts on this topic (if you are comfortable sharing) in the comments…

In the meantime, I’ll be doing what I just can’t help but do- sharing cool product finds, keeping too many tabs open in my brain, and driving my family crazy with an abundance of to-do lists and poorly executed- but with the best of intention at the outset- dinners. Oh, and writing more personal/journal-style blog posts. Because, like it or not, it keeps me sane. And at this point, I’ll take all the sanity saving I can get!